Thinking Out Loud

Thinking Again

2011-09-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's been some time since I have blogged. I'm thinking about picking it up again as an outlet for all of the thoughts racing in my mind these days. What do you think? Actually, I really don't care what you think. If I start blogging again, it will be solely for me and not to please an audience, if one even exists.

Many things have changed since I last posted to this blog. I have so many thoughts about life and how utterly vain we can make it. There is a song from the 60s that has a line in it that goes something like this: "are we really alive or just a dying planet?". I think whoever penned those words must have been going through some tough stuff. I'm starting to wonder the same.

Anyway, I don't want to wine here and I'm already starting to censor myself for fear someone might actually read this. So this is where it will have to end (for today anyway).

Father's Day

2007-06-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

Father's day used to be one of the worst days of the year for me. I always got a little stressed as the day approached knowing that I would need to buy my father a card and possibly give him a call. I dreaded having to do that. I could never find a card that really fit him. I always stayed away from the "You are the best father... yada yada yada" type cards. I had to get the funny ones' instead. Well, now he is gone and it's not so bad anymore. But I do think of him on this day when it rolls around.

Things are different now that I am a father. I know that I have and will continue to make parenting mistakes. I hope my children will have good memories of their father. I hope they never struggle to buy me a Father's Day card.

Spanking

2007-01-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I read a story at Sacbee.com about a new bill just written to make it illegal to spank your child three years of age and younger. Oh dear Lord, what is our society coming to?

I was so outraged after reading the article that I posted a comment about how ridiculous this bill is. I was glad to read so many other comments from people who felt the same way.

I really think the problem today is that parents do not discipline enough. And tragically, many of the young men going to prison today have something in common: they were raised without a father. What our kids need today are two parents that love them enough to spank them when they need it.

I spank my kids from time to time, only when they need it. I don't like to spank them -- it breaks my heart. When I do spank them, I tell them why I am going to spank them, then afterwards I hold them on my lap and hug them until their crying stops. All the while reminding them that I love them.

It bothers me to think that our legislatures are spending time trying to tell me how to parent. Our country is becoming communistic. My generation really doesn't appreciate the freedom we have, we take it for granted. My generation has never had to fight for any of the freedoms we currently enjoy, those battles were fought for us.

Happy Birthday Honey!

2006-12-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

Today is my lovely wife's 39th birthday! We have been celebrating for over 24 hours now. Yesterday her siblings and their families along with her mother joined together at Momma Suzanna's Italian Restaurant for a wonderful meal and good times. Tonight, we went to McDonalds for a quick dinner and back home for cake. Antoinette and I enjoyed a nice lunch ALONE while the kids were in school.

Antoinette's 39th Birthday

Fall Update

2006-12-03T18:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I have been sooooo busy lately. There has not been much time to blog. It's been over a month since my last post. Work is crazy busy--we are having our best year yet. We were really busy with Soccer every Saturday, now the Holidays--at least Halloween and Thanksgiving. I am enjoying it though. Here are some photos from my Web Album. There are captions to help tell the story.

Please DO enjoy! TTF DJ

Halloween 2006

End of Soccer Season

Thanksgiving 2006

Christmas Tree Day 2006

California International Marathon 2006

Ready for the Holidays

Surrender

2006-10-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

Taken from The Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 10 The Heart of Worship:

Rick Warren is speaking on surrender--this jumped out at me today:

Sometimes it takes years, but eventually you discover that the greatest hindrance to God's blessing in your life is not others, it is yourself--your self-will, stubborn pride, and personal ambition. You cannot fulfill God's purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans.

If God is going to do his deepest work in you, it will begin with this. So give it all to God: your past regrets, your present problems, your future ambitions, your fears, dreams, weaknesses, habits, hurts, and hang-ups Put Jesus Christ in the driver's seat of your life and take your hands off the steering wheel. Don't be afraid; nothing under his control can ever be out of control. Mastered by Christ, you can handle anything. You will be like Paul: "I am ready for anything and equal to anything through him who infuses inner strength into me, that is, I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency."

I have been worrying too much lately about things beyond my control.

The Most Popular Post To Date

2006-10-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

I find it fascinating that the most popular post to date (based on the number of comments) has to do with my old church. I really start to wonder if there is this wound we all have that hasn't completely healed.

Sometimes I think I am over the whole thing, but then something comes up and I am reminded of it all over again. Sometimes I get mad, sometimes I get sad, other times--I don't think of it at all.

I am pulled between letting others know what happened to me and just letting it slip into the past. Part of me doesn't want to ever forget the craziness of it all-- and part of me wants to forget it forever.

I don't ever want to repeat it--I don't ever want to let myself slip into a spiritual slumber again--I want to be sharp! I want to be able to spot nonsense the second I see it and call it for what it is. I don't want to be blindsided again.

I don't ever want to overlook the compromises of others for the sake of friendship or acceptance. I don't ever want to overlook or excuse my own failures.

I don't ever want to have someone I trust piss all over my boots, then tell me that it was rain, and then allow myself to believe them (for just a moment).

I don't ever want to be in a place where I feel I have no one to turn to and no where to go. Where do you go when your issue is with your pastors? Do you call 911?

911: 911 what is you emergency?
Me: The pastors and elders in my church are [fill in your experience here]
911: I'm sorry sir; this number is for emergencies only.

I experienced that type of isolation only a few of years ago. I may as well have been living in a commune in the middle of the woods--because that is how isolated I was from the rest of the body of Christ.

I remember a time while I was in the midst of the old church drama and I thought to myself "Who can I call for advice?" I had no one. It was horrible place to be. Thank God I had my two faithfull brothers with me!

You see if I am on your team or we are friends, I have to believe you, and I have to trust you. You have got to be honest and trustworthy. If we don't have those basic things, we aren’t going to be a very good team-- and we can't be very good friends. I can't defend you if there is a doubt in my mind about your guilt. I would never make it as a criminal defense attorney. The only way for me to defend you is to have it out with you until I am convinced you are telling me the truth. Once I've got that down, I’ve got your back man!

So, in order to never repeat the mistakes of the past, I don't ever want to forget. But, I must move on as well--there are better things to consume my time with.

In Dr. Suess name amen.

Lily's Baptism

2006-10-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today is October 8, 2006. Our daughter Lily was baptized today. She made this decision all on her own and we couldn't be happier for her. We had been talking a lot about it this week. She was a little nervous, but excited for it to happen. When she came up out of the water, she was overcome with tears of joy. It was really neat to see. Then everybody started crying, mom, aunts, pastors, Sunday school teachers. It was really a blessing. God's got us in the palm of his hands.

Here's some photo's and video of Lily being baptized and another just after coming out of the water. Her uncle Victor gives her a hug as she weeps those tears of joy. Then she exits the river and into the embrace of her mother. God is so good.

Lily's Baptism

Oct 8, 2006 - 9 Photos

====== Video from Aunti Marita's phone =====

====== Video after the baptism =====

Fleeting Lives and Special Needs

2006-10-05T15:54:00.000-07:00

There are two subjects filling my mind these days, how fleeting our lives are and wanting somehow to communicate what it's like to have a child with special needs.

Fleeting Lives
I was supposed to meet up with a client of ours on Wednesday of this week. He was hiring us to help out with a programming job because his regular programmer was battling cancer and wasn't up to doing field work. He was going to have his programmer go over the program with us so that we could do the field work. Well, the guy died. He was my age and I guess it wouldn't bother me so much since I didn't know him that well--however, about two years ago, this guy came by my office for a demonstration of our reporting software. He seemed very personable and friendly. It's just kinda weird. I am glad to be alive.

Special Needs?
What's it like having a kid with special needs? It's really hard. It's really fun. Its' really challenging. It's really ...

We had yet another IEP meeting for our son today. IEP stands for Individual Education Plan. IEP's are for kids who don't fit the normal mode of education. There were about six people from the school district; speech therapist, occupational therapist, inclusion therapist...yada yada yada. Anyway, we developed our son's education plan for the next year. Set goals and objectives. Overall, I can say it was a very good meeting.

I ran into my pastor during lunch today. He asked me if we were involved in any parent support programs in our area because he has some friends that have a special needs kid too and he can tell they are "really going through it". My advice to him was to offer to watch their kids for a few hours so the parents can get out of the house. It is really difficult to get baby-sitting for special needs kids. I think that most people are afraid to do it. He said that he had invited them to church many times, but they have yet to show up. I'm not surprised. Most parents with special needs kids don't go out to too many places as there really are very few things that they can do out in public--church is one of them. You can't just put a special needs kid in any Sunday school room. First off, the Sunday school teachers are probably not going to know how to handle your child, and your child will probably freak out in an unfamiliar setting. But what if someone from the church offered to help this family out on Sunday morning? What if someone said, "Hey, I would like to assist your special needs child in Sunday school so that you can enjoy the service without any worries!" I'll bet they would jump at the chance.

You see, if you were confined to a wheelchair, I'll bet you would know every curb in your neighborhood that didn't have wheelchair ramps. And for those of us who are able to walk, we probably don't pay any attention to which intersections have ramps and which intersections have the old curbs. It's the same way with having a special needs kid. Most people don't realize the struggles and challenges that parents face. A trip to church on Sunday can be a horrible experience. So, if you happen to know a family with a special needs kid, offer to watch the kids for an evening or offer to take their kid into the Sunday school room so that they can attend church. That's what they need.

Stuck in a moment, maybe upside down.

2006-10-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I can't think of much anything that I want to talk with you about. So, enjoy this video...

And bye-the-way, I got a blog hug from Miro's mommy. Imagine that. We saw each other at RL Sunday and she gave me the hug she promised from an earlier comment. Thank you Miro's mommy--that was really sweet of you. I always beleived that all of this technology was going to lead to mass depersonalization and isolation, but here is a great example of how it is building realtionships. Okay, that was too deep. She recommended that I change my profile picture, she thought I was much more handsome in person. So, I hope the new one will be okay. Maybe I should get one of those glamour shots?

If you have time to watch this video, it's kinda fun to pretend that you are the lead singer...

Recent History

2006-09-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

View our web album:

Soccer Shots 2006

Sep 9, 2006 - 6 Photos

Gabes First Fish

Jones First Fishing Trip

Jun 9, 2006 - 6 Photos

Campout 2006

Jul 1, 2006 - 13 Photos

Home Improvement, Another Season...

Home Improvement, Another Season

Jul 1, 2006 - 4 Photos

Remembering the Good Times

2006-09-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, if you missed the anonymous comment signed by EstateRecollector, you should check it out. This comment wins first place in my blog for most intriguing. So, I thought it would be appropriate to remember some of the good times. Here's one...

My first experience with the old church was at a conference they held at the Red Lion Inn. It was called Direction 88, from Glory to Glory. It was a nice trial run if you will since I wasn't into church, God or the Jesus thing--in fact, I really didn't think much of Christians. One man came up to me, held out his hand and said: "Now here's a face that I don't believe I've seen before!" I liked what I saw and experienced and wanted to come back. His greeting was encouraging to me. And the preacher that day really got my interest going. So I decided to give Sunday morning a try...

I remember my very first Sunday morning visit to the old church. It was on Broadway. The music really got me--it was none like I have ever heard before. Then all of the sudden, dancers! They traveled down the aisles of that church in a beautiful way that brought a smile to my face! I thought of King David as I beheld this form of worship for the very first time. Then the lyrics of a wonderful song titled Into The Vaults of Heaven pierced my heart:

Helplessly stained before thee,
Casting our lives on your name,
And praying that mercy,
Will meet at your judgment,
And free us from this shame!

"Wow"! I thought. "Somebody else in this place feels just like me? How could they?" I fought hard to hold back the tears. I clinched my teeth. I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. Anything to keep from loosing it. Because on that day, I was in church, but I was still fresh from the world and all it had to offer. But from that moment on God rescued me from a terrible pit and this verse from Psalm 40 became true in my life:

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God.

And so began many, many wonderful years of getting to know the Savior while attending this church.

If it applies to you, please join with me by sharing a wonderful time you had at the old church. I think it would be kind of fun.

Got Community? Part II

2006-09-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, for all of you who get sucked into a TV show expecting to find out how it's going to end during that one-hour episode only to have the "To be Continued" text show up at the end of the hour, your wait is over; here's the rest of the story...

First let's review in case you missed my previous post: Got Community?

I remember about a year into the project when I had decided that I just couldn't go forward with it. It was going to cost too much money and I really felt I heard the Lord telling me not to commit financial hary kary to do this. I announced to the rest of the management team that I was going to be getting out of the project--the price was just too high...

I had come to this conclusion after doing some real estate investigating for the area. I found out through my research that the guy living behind my lot paid about $90k for his entire house. Since I was the secretary/treasurer of this project, I already knew that the cost for my lot would be somewhere in the $60k range, only $30k less than what he paid for his lot and his house. I had a real problem with that and was wondering if this is something I should be doing.

I then looked for other properties in "better areas" that had higher home values, but I knew that none of these other properties would work for our group of friends and family. I prayed about it at home. I prayed about it while looking at other properties. But all I heard was: "You don't need to commit financial hary kary to do this project." So I shared with my wife that we just can't do this, the price is too high. What I mean by the price is too high is; "Should we really be spending this much money just to live by our friends? Is this a good use of our money?" I was really sad about it because I really wanted to do it. We talked about buying a house on one of the streets leading to the project instead of building new, that way we could still be a part of Waterbus Estates without all of the expense.

So, during our weekly Thursday meeting of the managers, I announced that we could not do the project and that we were probably going to back out and opt to buy an existing home in the area instead. Well, they were all pretty much shocked. But we discussed the reasons why. I went on to tell them that I really didn't feel called to live any where in particular. I did believe that I felt called to be a part of my church and that as long as I could drive to church on Sunday and be close enough to participate in church activities during the week--that I believe I could live anywhere that allowed me to do just that. I continued to explain to them that I really didn't beleive that the Lord was "calling" me to move to that or any particular area of town and that if it were not for them moving to that area, I would never consider moving there.

They encouraged me to give it some thought before announcing it and so I agreed. One of them, a man I considered to be one of my very best friends had this to say [paraphrased from nearly 5 years ago]: "I know that you feel called to community DJ. But the question you need to ask yourself is do you feel called to community with us. Because if you feel called to community with us, this is where we are going and so this is area is where God is calling you to live." He also went on to say that because I was a leader in this project, it would be a huge blow to everyone's morale and who knows how many others would follow after me. The last thing I wanted to do was sabotage the project I thought quietly.

Wow! What incredible logic! It made so much sense. So I agreed to seek the Lord on the subject and report back to them in a week. Here is where I made a big mistake. You see, we can talk ourselves into believing that God is calling us to do something that he actually is not. I have done it plenty of times in my life and boy is it a hard lesson. I listened to excellent logic, I even listened to the Lord, but in the end, I somehow was able to convince myself that this Waterbus Estates project was God's calling for me and my family. I should have listened to the Lord instead of the logic! I had always told myself: "This is not a Real Estate venture, it is a venture in Community." And that it was.

After a week of soul searching and some futile attempts at seeking the Lord on this, we had decided to stay in the project. What is so amazing is that God never abandoned me, he continued to walk with me through this time--even though this was something he never called me to do. That is how gracious and long suffering he is with his children.

He had to let me learn a hard lesson. And the only way for me to learn it was to allow me to force my way down a path I wanted to travel, then feel the effects and consequences of that decision. And I will say that even though I was walking down a path that I wasn't called to walk down, God used that path to teach me more of his ways. I really don't think I knew what it really was to "walk by faith" until I was presented with some very tough decisions with the project where we had to believe God for the outcome. The good Lord was still able to redeem all of this in a way that only he can.

I just wonder how things would be had I listened to the Lord. Had I really sought his will in this instead of forcing my own. I feel bad that some people are really streched financially because of their involvement in the Waterbus Estates project. I hear that they are really tied to their mortgages and aren't able to do a whole lot and mothers have to work to make ends meet. I know, I feel the pain too. My real estate taxes that are collected each month in my mortgage are [Quick run calculator...] 42% of my old mortgage payment before I got involved with the project. You read right! What I pay in taxes now equals 42% of my old house payment. That old house payment included taxes, insurance, mortgage and interest! We feel the pain folks.

There have been times where I would beat my chest with disgust at my foolishness, but I was reminded by a dear friend of mine who went through this but on a lesser scale, "We got pearls through all of this, yep pearls of wisdom". And we did! So much has been learned through this experience.

I do miss the house. It was beautiful, roomy, and comfy. But that's all I miss.

I think this post might be leading you to think that it was the money that made the experience of Waterbus Estates so painful, but it wasn't. The high cost is just one of the consequences that will forever remind me to seek the Lord's will and wait until I really know it before proceeding. No, the painful part of the Waterbus Estates project started to culminate long before our feet ever stepped over the threshold of our beatiful new home.

Stay tuned ...

Got Community?

2006-09-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever pondered the meaning of community ?

It has many definitions and depending upon who you ask, you will get a different answer. For example, we just moved from a new in-fill project I will call 'Waterbus Estates'. It was built by a group of friends and family that for the most part belonged to the same church and had known each other for many years--some for a lifetime. Our goal was to establish residences next to each other, where we could see each other daily in passing, and yet still be connected to an existing neighborhood where other people could join in. We wanted to show the world our Christian love and be a witness to them in the process. We had very good intentions, but I think we failed miserably at building community--more about this later.

After living at Waterbus Estates for over two years, we decided to move-- it wasn't quite our cup of tea anymore--we actually felt quite alone there--some would blame us for that--that's okay--we can take the blame! We never saw our neighbors at any of our community outings; like school BBQ's or open houses; or even on the soccer field--so we couldn't help but feel a little alone out there. So this Spring, we sold our beautiful tuscan home and moved to an older and more established neighborhood-- a community of about 1600 homes situated between a beautiful river and a California State University--I'll call it 'The Park'. It is the best place I think I have ever lived, and I have only lived here five months. May I tell you why I feel this way? Thank you, don't mind if I do.

On the day of our move, as I made my last turn with the U-Haul truck onto my street heading towards our house, I saw a little plastic figure of a boy wearing a ball hat that said "SLOW" standing towards the middle of the road. So I slowed to a crawl-- the last thing I want to do is run over one of our new neighbors kids. As I got closer, I could see about 30 people having a BBQ in the front yard. As they looked over to me, I heard someone say; "Hey! It's our new neighbors!" and then they all yelled out "Hi neighbor!, we're your new neighbors!", I smiled and waved hello. I was so blown away at their friendliness. I really couldn't believe it. Then about an hour later, one of them came over to introduce himself and welcome us to the neighborhood. He invited us to join them for a bite to eat if we had time and offered his help to unload the truck. He told us a little about the neighborhood and was on his way.

Later that night about 11 pm, while unpacking boxes--we heard a knock at the door... Three ladies came over bearing gifts of cake, apple crisp, The Welcoming Committee had arrived! They all introduced themselves-- raved about how great it is to live in 'The Park' and asked us how many kids we had and what their ages and their names were and so on. Then as they were saying their goodbyes about 45 minutes later, one of them gave me a big kiss on the cheek. I returned with a hug to all three ladies as did my lovely wife. Again, we were totally blown away.

Now, five month's later-- I have had a chance to experience the community over here in 'The Park'. I must say, I thought I knew what community was, after all, I had helped develop Waterbus Estates. I was part of the management team that took nearly four acres of land and turned it into two cul-de-sacs flanked by 16 single family lots and an additional "community" lot for doing "community" things. But I think that place was a far cry from being part of a community--it was really more its own community than it was a part of the surrounding community. Why do you say that? Well please allow me to explain my recent "community" experiences...

On the 4th of July , 'The Park' neighborhood association put on the annual Fire Cracker Parade. An event where kids can decorate their bicycles with flags; streams of red, white, and blue paper, or whatever and ride their bike in a parade. We got in on the action--didn't want to miss this opportunity to be part of the "community". The kids decorated their bikes and rode from the elementary school to the park while parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles walked along. The kids were followed by a classic car parade where candy was thrown from the vehicles to the people lined up along the street. Down at the park, there were games, jumpy houses, food, a live band from a nearby church and a whole lotta neighbors. It was a blast and I ended up talking with so many people. We ended the holiday with a BBQ at the same home that gave us the friendly welcome, where we met more neighbors from our street. Then, as night fell, we all gathered in their front yard to watch the Cal Expo fire works. It was a great day.

My daughter joined the neighborhood swim team this summer. On Saturday's she would have swim meets. And guess what would happen? We would meet even more people from the neighborhood, we would spend time getting to know the ones we have already met and so on.

Well, Summer is now over and Fall is upon us. Time to usher in the soccer season. Again, as we show up for our kid's practices, we're meeting new people and getting to know others better.

And just a few nights ago, our neighbors had an end of summer BBQ. About thirty of us joined in the front yard across our street for a pot luck dinner. They put out the figure of the boy with the ball hat that said "SLOW" and we all proceeded to eat good food, drink wine, soda, beer, whatever, and we all just enjoyed getting to know one another. We talked about things like: which teachers our kids got for school this year, we heard about the history of the neighborhood from the long-time residents, and all the kids played badminton together. It was a fun time. :)

And just this week school started. What do you think happened? Of course! We run into the same people at the neighborhood elementary school that we met over the summer at the parade, at swim practice, at swim meets, at soccer practice, and at the summer BBQ's--it's a community and it's fun! We happend to meet some people who are building a new house just a couple homes down from ours while attending yet another BBQ. (this BBQ was hosted by the elementary school to welcome in the new school year) -- Over and over again, we get to see these people weekly in passing. It's not weird, it's like that neighborhood in Back to the Future. "It's like living in the Fifties!" one of our neighbors told us. I think I'm getting it now. I think I'm beginning to understand what community is like.

You see, in 'The Park'-- if you live here, your kids go to school here; they play soccer here; they swim on the swim team here; they play at the park here; they walk to school here; well you get the picture. When you are engaged in your neighborhood, you start to get a real sense of community, a belonging and a common interest. Friendships are made and strengthened-- all in the midst of that community.

Just because you live next door or near other people doesn't make it a community in my opinion; I'll give you suburbia as my best argument. Most people in suburbia don't even know their neighbors. I think community is an experience that takes place when you get connected with and participate in your surroundings--whatever your surroundings may be--for this post I am speaking of your home address. This is where I think the Waterbus Estates community failed.

While there was some level of 'community' there, it was pretty much limited to the people who built homes there. Out of all of the families that moved there, only two of them put their kids in the neighborhood schools. The rest of them transported their kids to a completely different city to be educated. The first year soccer season came around, those same families put their kids in a soccer club in a completely different city--way outside the reach of the community where they lived. It seemed that with every opportunity for these families to connect and be a part of the existing community that surrounded them, they would opt out and go elsewhere. So I think the level of community there was extremely low and mostly concentrated inward.

To be fair, I should say that some of these families have now put their kids in the local soccer clubs; and I did hear that they formed some type of 5-day club for the neighborhood kids this summer, so it appears that some minds and hearts are changing over there and I hope that they do--because for all of the effort and planning (nearly 4 years and 1 million dollars--just for streets!) that went into building those two cul-de-sacs and a dozen or so highly custom homes, I don't see a whole lot of return on the investment.

It was a very costly endeavor for each family involved--and in many ways we were strangled by our desire to live in nice homes and by each other. I am hearing now that many of the wives are having to go back to work in order to make ends meet--I can understand--as we have felt the financial pressure resulting from paticipating in this 'community development' project as well.

I remember about a year into the project when I had decided that I just couldn't go forward with it. It was going to cost too much money and I really felt I heard the Lord telling me not to commit financial hary kary to do this. I announced to the rest of the management team that I was going to be getting out of the project--the price was just too high...

To Be Continued.

First Day of School :)

2006-09-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school for my kids. It was the very first day of school for my son Gabriel. He started kindergarten today. It is a very special day for any parent whose child is beginning school. Almost all of us had a camera or video camera in hand following the group of kids as they transitioned from the playground to the class room--some even taped their kids as they crossed the street and on to the campus.

We all crowded around the windows to watch our kids first moments in class. I took pictures and video and as I did, I got a little choked up as I remembered taking Lily to her very first day of school. As I was walking her hand in hand I knew at that moment that life was going to go at fast forward speed--and it sure has--She just started fifth grade today.

Antoinette and I have been a bit stressed about today. Mostly for our son Ben because he will be starting a new school, a new teacher, and a new aid. I was worried that the school would drop the ball and not have an aid waiting for him when we got there. I was wrong! Yeah! I brought Ben to his classroom and low and behold, there she was. I got to meet her and his teacher. Ben's new teacher, Mr Meyers--reminds me of Mr. Rodgers in a way. He was very gentleman like and wore a red tie that had pictures of school scenes on it. Sort of like a Christmas tie that you can only wear once a year--but in the first day of school version.

I was so worried when we entered the classroom. Ben immediately started reciting portions of Cat & the Hat and Dora the Exlporer, and reminding me while all the kids and their parents looked on that he was not Ben, he was Tico. It was hard for me. At first I thought that these parents are going to be real concerned for their kids. I hope not. I hope they will all fall in love with Ben like all of his previous classmates and their parents have done. I have been praying for this day--God has been so faithful to provide every need for Ben. I always ask the Lord to provide a teacher that will treat him like one of his own, and that all who work with him would do the same. That he wouldn't be a burden to them, but a blessing.

The good news is he has been placed with a teacher that all our neighbors just rave about. His teacher told me that he had a special needs kid last year in his class. Oh how I hope it goes well for Ben.

A lady working in the office recognized Antoinette from High School days and they got to talking. She was so nice. Antoinette asked her if she would deliver a folder of materials for Ben's teacher--it was information from his teacher last year that she felt would help his new teacher. Antoinette didn't want Ben to see her for fear he would start tantruming. The lady was so helpful, she took the folder to his teacher and then came back to visit with us. She told Antoinette that her brother also has autism. Isn't that just like God to send her our way? I commented to Antoinette as we were leaving the campus how meeting her was God's blessing for us.

So how did it go? Here is a report from mom via email:

Hi honey,
The kids are home and they all seem like they had a good day at school. Ben got upset after the library because he couldn't find The Grinch Grinches The Cat in the Hat. This was at the very end of the day. His teacher said he can make one himself because that will be a project for the kids; to make their own book. Gabe was happy and couldn't wait to get home to see you. I told him you were still at work.

Psalm 127:3-5

3-5 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!

Anxious Sunday Morning

2006-08-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday morning. I'm anxious. Antointte has been up all the night with Ben while I slept through the whole night (Ben was feeling sick). She doesn't think she can make it to church. Two of the three kids are fed and just need to get dressed. Then we will be off to church.

But therein lies the problem--I really don't want to go to church at our new church. Recently, we left a church that we loved dearly. It's a long story, but to sum it up, we needed to move from our existing home in Foothill Farms. We had considered moving closer to our beloved church in Granite Bay and even bought a house in Rocklin last fall (only 3.0 miles from our beloved church)--but it all fell through when the buyers of our home couldn't come up with the financing. Over the winter we did some soul searching and decided that we should move back down town. There were many benefits to this move, but one major draw-back--we would need to find a new church. So, this spring, we moved to River Park in East Sacramento.

Then, this summer we started attending a new church plant in East Sacramento. Many of our friends and family also attend that church. There is nothing wrong with this new church-- in fact it is thriving and outwardly focused, healthy, and constantly reaching out to its community. Whether hosting a day at the park with free food and fun for all, or traveling to Mississippi to serve in helping those displaced by hurricane Katrina--this church is off to a great start. The problem is with me. It reminds me too much of our old church, not our beloved church in Granite Bay, but our old church that we left two and a half years ago. As did many others--and many of them seemed to land at the new church. The same guy that did announcements at our old church now does the announcements at our new church. Many members of the worship team in our new church were also members of our old church. And many people who would sit up front and to the left in our old church, sit up front and to the left in our new church.

There is a part of me that wants to start new and all over. My experience at my old church was so bad that anything that resembles it makes me anxious--I want to bolt far in the opposite direction. I was so happy in my beloved church, but my daughter was not.

Why don't you just go to a different church you say? Because my kids absolutely love attending our new church. My daughter is now asking me "How long till church dad?" and things like: "I don't want to miss church again." A far cry from her constant complaining that she doesn't like our beloved church.

It is so tempting for me to just fall into the "Virtual" church. Where I can listen to great sermons on TV, read great teachings online, or listen to my favorite preachers on the radio. But I know that isn't God's best for me. Somehow I have got to get through this time in my life. I just don't know how it seems.

Hello World!

2006-08-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, here it goes. My very own blog. I swore I would never do this. It just seems such a time sink to me. However, I am inspired by Miroslav! His honesty is contagious, that's why I read his blog. So I hope to do as well here by sharing my thoughts, my daily amusements(when they happen), and communicate with the e-world out there.!

A little bit about me. I am forty! A husband and a father of three. I am self employed, drive an Acura TL, believe in Jesus, and am glad to be alive. --- My wonderful wife thinks that I should add I am a narcissist and an ego maniac. (I gotta keep it real! No sense in firing an arrow only to go paint a bulls-eye around it later)